By Christopher “Flood the Drummer®” Norris
5.28.15: Global – (Satire): Mr. Bishop Pugh, a career “servant of the most high” who weathered a sizable impeachment campaign organized by more than half of the congregation of the All Day Praise Worship Center, was reelected to serve as Chairman of the Deacon Board after running unopposed in an election that attracted only 13 percent of tithe-payers.
Mr. Pugh’s troubles within his place of worship began after the church’s yearly finance report showed that more than 60 percent of the tithes had been withdrawn without approval from a majority of the church body.
Once an investigation was launched and public interrogation began by the board commissioned by Reverend John T. Baptiste, it was uncovered that Mr. Pugh, whose late father served as chairman before him, lied on the application he submitted to the church.
Particularly under question was Mr. Pugh’s claim that he speaks multiple languages.
“Under the National Church Governing Association, tongues, said Mr. Pugh, “is considered another language. Not only do I speak in tongues, I can interpret it.”
Rev. Baptiste said because his church isn’t a member of NCGA, but instead is under the banner of New Generation Worshippers’ Cohort, tongues isn’t a registered language, a fact Mr. Pugh, said Rev. Baptiste, was absolutely aware of.
Though the role of Pastor in church politics usually requires nonpartisanship, Rev. Baptiste was clearly on the side of the nearly 2,500 members who called for Mr. Pugh’s resignation, even donating a large sum, estimated in the thousands, to the cause.
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Mr. Pugh, who spoke to TABOO™ with his lawyer present, said he can concede on the language discrepancy, but asserted that there’s “no proof” that he took $145,000 from the church’s account, and he shouldn’t have to give up his position until he’s been proven guilty.
“Aren’t I afforded due process? Aren’t I innocent until proven guilty?” he questioned.
Rev. Baptiste said Mr. Pugh would be assumed innocent except for the fact that as chairman, he’s the only person with the authority to remove and add finances to the church’s bank account.
“The bible said the devil comes like a thief in the night, and so it’s possible that the devil took the money,” said Mr. Pugh’s lawyer, Mr. Isyon Daily.
Even with months of controversy surrounding this situation, which played out in the local press, voters weren’t motivated to ensure Mr. Pugh no longer had access to church funds by removing him from office.
When I questioned Rev Baptiste on why the voter turnout was so low, he looked puzzled and at a loss for words.
“I can’t understand it,” he said, “There was so much activism; so much outrage; so much public discourse, but it didn’t translate into votes. I can only assume that this voter apathy is connected to unanswered prayers. We have many members who prayed for Rolls-Royces but are still taking the bus.”
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