By Christopher “Flood the Drummer®” Norris
4.11.15: Global – (Satire): More than twenty parishioners filed a complaint with the governing body of a historically black church claiming that when the Holy Spirit visits Sunday services the day extends itself into night, causing “faith fatigue.”
The Deacon’s board at All Day Glory Community Church in the small town of Cutarug reported during their weekly meeting that 26 young people complained that their entire day was consumed by church service and requested that the church “limit visiting hours for the Holy Spirit.”
TABOO™ obtained a copy of the complaint, which read in part:
“We, the youth department of All Day Glory Community Church, are respectful of the Holy Spirit and its role in our faith. However, as young people, our schedules, particularly our Sundays, are used to catch up on sleep, study and prepare ourselves for the week ahead. Too often, though, we are in church from 10am to mid-afternoon, meaning the majority of us miss out on both breakfast and lunch. Three meals a day is critical to our development, and we can no longer pad our stomach with flavored communion wafers to fend off hunger. We urge the governing body of this institution to make necessary changes to ensure church service is sensitive to both time and the anointing.”
Mother Marisa Marigold, the church clerk, was the only member willing to speak to the press, calling the complaint “an example of how spoiled, entitled and ungrateful the millennial generation is.”
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“The Holy Spirit takes time out to stop by our worship service, and the young people want us to rush it because they’re tired and hungry? How dare they!” she exclaimed.
Mrs. Marigold, who’s been a member of All Day Glory since 1965, said she will withdraw her membership if the church’s governing body implements restrictions on the Holy Spirit.
Mrs. Marigold also said she was severely confused by the letter given the fact that young people every Sunday are falling out under the anointing.
Mr. Charles Goode, Director, Youth Department, said the young people aren’t passing due to the Holy Spirit; instead, they’re fainting due to not eating.
Mr. Goode continued:
“We have an obligation to provide for the physical needs of our members, as well as the spiritual. If our young people feel service is too long and it’s harming them, we need to revisit how we do thing. Maybe 5 hours on a Sunday morning is a bit much.”
The governing body will announce their decision this Sunday at the 55th Annual All Day Glory 24 hour prayer vigil.
Thanks for reading. Until next time, I’m Flood the Drummer® & I’m Drumming for JUSTICE!™
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