1.5.15: Global – (Politics): I recently had a surprise visit from a young man who is dear to me and as we began catching up, I asked a simple question that launched an eye opening conversation: “How is your dad responding to your latest career move?”
This young man looked at me with the saddest eyes and informed me that he not spoken to his father in months, nor will be speaking to him anytime soon.
The ” what” is not important as much as the “why”… and after listening to the events that led to this point -and hearing how clear the son was about his father’s issues and struggles – I felt the need to revisit a few points regarding relationships and how they directly and indirectly impact children.
1). Never think that children are too young to remember traumatizing and violent events that transpire between adults. I’ve heard stories from individuals who can recall memories from as young as age three.
2). Children not only see our shortcomings, but they can often identify it within themselves and need a place to unburden.
3). Do not make the mistake in believing that it is ever okay for your children to keep witnessing bad behavior. Abusing your mate in front of them is not only traumatizing, it saddens them in ways we should be unselfish enough to keep away from them.
4). While children are happy to access whatever financial help being given from a parent, they really prefer your time and genuine love.
5). When your relationships are over, leave them over. To keep revisiting what has long since been broken helps no one, the least of all being your children.
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6). You may lose your child’s respect, but it’s almost impossible to lose their love.
7). If you need therapy, seek a professional and resist the urge to burden your kids with your problems. They don’t need nor are they emotionally ready to deal with your issues.
8). Do not hold grudges against your children; they need you to be the more mature person.
Though that young man left my house with lots of hugs and good conversation, he won’t be whole until things are smoothed out with his father.
Is it worth it to be right in your wrongness or helpful to keep your off spring healthy emotionally? Our children did not choose to be here, so we must treat them as the gifts they are! And men, do not be fooled into thinking that your role is not as important as the mother.
They are important in different times but important nonetheless. Give yourself the gift of acknowledging you mean the world to your children, even if you may not always see eye to eye with them… they love and need you.
Thanks for reading the thoughtful musings of a DIVA!™
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